note: new flash fiction story, which made Open Submission 8 of the Wildfire Words anthology series. you can click on the link to read / listen to the story, or directly from this page (this version is bookended by a tune, apologies to Gary Numan).
who wants disCARmament?
‘Congratulations’, hailed Sensei, ‘you have passed the test and earned yourself a full licence!’
‘Wow,’ the student gushed, ‘it’s like acquiring a new power!’
‘Yes. But, to paraphrase an ancient saying, with new power comes new responsibility,’ Sensei warned. ‘Luckily for you, I can grant immunity from any misfortune that befalls thee.’
‘Befalls me? What are you, a genie? Is that why you speak like that?’
‘I wish!’ Sensei joked. ‘Seriously though, my ancestry links me to djinn who were intimidated out of using their grant-wishing powers by the Witchfinder General during the Magician’s Holocaust of the 1600s –’
‘Holocaust?’
‘Yes,’ confirmed Sensei, ‘not a lot of people know that. Anyway,’ he continued, ‘as a direct descendant of that bloodline, I can use my power to “further reward excellence”, if I’ve interpreted recent updates to gambling legislation guidance correctly.’
‘Like a bonus for unlocking new levels in videogames?’
‘If you like,’ he sighed.
The student’s eyes flashed in anticipation. ‘What are you offering then?’
‘The power of auto-disarmament!’
The student was confused. ‘What does that mean?’
‘No matter how hard you hit someone, the effect will be minimal,’ Sensei explained.
‘Even fatally?’
‘No one you smash into will ever leave with anything more than the slightest wounding at best.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘Well? Are you interested?’
The student paused for a moment. ‘No, thank you,’ he replied.
‘Huh?’ Stunned, Sensei demanded an answer. ‘Why would you want the capacity to kill?’
‘So people know I can’t be messed with. After all, it’s my right to carry some threat as a form of self-defence, isn’t it?’
‘But harmlessness is not a weakness,’ Sensei chided. ‘Have you learnt nothing? Am I in the wrong profession?’
‘Perhaps,’ the student mused, ‘but it could be worse. You could be a driving instructor.’
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